The sexy sexy story featuring Clarice & Sirius
by rooneyrepresent
Summary: The ridiculously smutty, absolutely hilarious, thorougly perverted, and downright wrong story of Sirius and Clarice. SexScenes Language Weird Themes? Sirius/OC Completely AU
1. Chapter 1

**Yo listen up here's the story. My sis, anyavioletta, reckons I can't get as many reviews as her but we all know that's total crap so help me get more reviews than her!**

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Ch 1.

"Sirius!"

"Sirius!" Clarice yelled at the top of her vocal cords!

'Oh Clarice I missed you all night last night! It was the first night that we hadn't been together in like two weeks" Sirius says and gives her a mighty hug.

"So what's new?" Clarice asked  
"You were in my dream last night Clarice, and you started crying because you got stung by a bee! I woke up shortly after this and I called your mobile, but obviously you didn't answer as if it was 3am in the morning" Sirius said sounding a little depressed.

As Clarice and Sirius caught up on their gossip, the call of nature for Sirius happened, and his broomstick flew up! Clarice got aroused immensely. Clarice and Sirius just went into a form of hug, and then Clarice realised she was ready to do it for the 7th time with Sirius. Clarice did the emu dance to the call of nature. Sirius returned the favour.

Clarice usually got a bit cranky after they did something, Sirius figured out it's because he didn't do a good enough job for her and she had high expectations. After they both did the favour, they remembered that they were on the steps of the train station at flinders. Clarice panicked that her father had seen her, or even worse a music teacher had seen her. She burst out crying and Sirius tried to reassure her by feeling her neck. It was that, that made Clarice suddenly remembered she had to give her sister Steph her swimming form as she forgot It at home because she had running in the morning, and Steph always knew she could rely on her big sister Clarice!

So as Clarice and Sirius said their goodbyes…and Clarice forgave Sirius.

They arranged to meet at Glenferrie station at 12 o'clock, as Clarice was grounded because her father caught her and Sirius getting it on!

That night they met at Glenferrie station as they had arranged. Clarice was wearing a coat and so was Sirius. BUT after they said hello and all the boring stuff, Clarice took of her coat and showed Sirius was she was wearing. It was lingerie! A boobtube sort of thing that clipped onto undies which clipped onto her fishnet stockings.

"You slut Clarice" sirius said angrily

Clarice burst out crying. Sirius said "no Clarice not again I'm sorry I love you

And she said "I love you too babeyyy

Sirius still made Clarice put her coat on to semi hide her sluttiness

They took the train to Sirius house. They had to be quiet because Sirius' dog was sleeping and it was going in the 'beauty contest' the next day so it had to look its best. So Clarice and sirius kept their moans quieter than normal but still loud enough to wake up the dog.

The next morning Clarice woke up next to her love, but to her surprise he was masturbating saying

"YES!

"YES STEPH HARDER, HARDER OHHH YEAHH!"

Clarice was furious; Sirius and Steph (her sister) had only met once. To make matters worse Clarice lost her virginity to Sirius and told him everything.

She woke him up and asked him what the fuck he was doing!

He lied by saying he was imagining that he was fucking her!

She told him to fuck off and went home and got a beating from her father.

**Review!**

**Rooney**


	2. Chapter 2

Ch 2.

This catastrophe was all too much for both Clarice and Sirius. They decided to separate for a bit. Luckily when Clarice arrived home it was easy to sneak into bed as Steph and her dad had gone for a run, so they hadn't checked if Clarice was in her bed. Clarice went and talked to her mum instead of wrapping herself in bed and pretending she was there all along.

She never told her mum that she snuck out because they trusted her so much, but she told her mum that she had lost her virginity. Her mum always wanted to know when this day happened, but to Clarice's surprise, her mum wasn't angry at all. She just made sure she was doing it for all the right reasons, and told her to be careful. Clarice found out that her mum was quite the 'slut' at her age. Her mum had screwed many guys before she married her dad, and she was also hanging around with the wrong crowd. Clarice was distraught with this information but she honestly couldn't care less.

After talking with her mum, she made a deal that her mum would NEVER tell her dad. Clarice's mum agreed. Steph and her dad just got back from there run, and Steph couldn't be prouder with herself for beating him. Clarice wasn't in the best relationship with her father because she received a beating, but Clarice figured that if her dad knew everything about her, she wouldn't be alive.

So Clarice called Sirius up, and they met up again. This time they knew exactly what they'd do. Clarice brought a banana flavoured condom because she thought that it looked sexier than pink. Also because ever since Sirius's dog had a pink thing coming out of her arse, she got put off by the pink strawberry flavoured condom. Yellow was the way to go. They were running to the train station because they were so horny. Clarice needed to have sex. On the train sirius was rubbing her neck to keep the horniness in her. As soon as they arrived at Sirius's apartment they had passionate but safe sex.

**Aw come on guys! We need to beat my sissy's review count! Help me out here!**

**Flames count as reviews so whatevs. Don't care mucho.**

**xx Rooney**


	3. Chapter 3

Rooney Rep

"Oh Sirius!" Clarice cried

"Oh Clarice!"Sirius copied

"I'm so sorry about the whole Steph thing. I truly didn't mean for that to happen and I want you to know that you'll always be first in my heart" Sirius said with passion

" Oh that's okay! I must admit I was a bit worried but now I'm over it! Soo what'd you say? Ready for passionate but safe sex babe?" Clarice said, with the horniness running though her like adrenalin.

"Well speaking of which, i bought you a birthday present!" Sirius said running to his drawer

"Is it a banana condom? My favourite?" Clarice asked eagerly

" No Clarice it's not you slut!"

"Don't you dare call me slut! We're over, just give me the present and I'm out of here!"

"ok bye" Sirius said, lol-ling to himself

"You bastard!!" said Clarice with tears dropping from her eyes making a puddle on the ground

"Clarice I'm only joking! You take things to seriously!"

"Yeah I guess I do... Well? Where's my present huh?

"Oh right! I almost forgot" Sirius said pulling out a rectangle box which was wrapped.

"Should I open it here Sirius or should I wait until I get home?"

"No open it here, I don't advise you take it home, with your dad and all.

"Oh My God! This is soo admormaly cool. It's a sex game decider. So you roll the dice and then it tells you what base you should start of with etc!"

"Yeah! You should bring Steph along one day and she can play along!"

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST FUCKING SAY!"

"you heard me? Sirius said followed by a shrug

"DO YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY SISTER!?

"yes ok fine I'm not going to lie to you on your birthday, but also I want to have sex with you more, you know because she's still in school and shit.

"So what else have you been lying to me about, because you're not going to lie to me on my birthday are you?" Clarice asked curiously.

"God Clarice you're so difficult! Fine ask me a question and I'll answer truthfully" Sirius said promising.

"When you said that your dog had a beauty competition the next day, and we couldn't have sex loudly in case we wreck its sleep time, was that actually true? Clarice asked

"No Clarice. I'm sorry! I admit he didn't have a beauty contest. I just said that because I was embarrassed of what he was actually going to do the following day. The following day he was entered in the 'most ugly dogs lived' in the Women's Weekly, and I didn't want him to but I got money so I guess it was worth it" Sirius said embarrassed

"You're so fucking immature you wanker.

Well guess what, I've slept with 5 guys since we've been dating, and each and every one of them has bought me a banana flavoured condom" Clarice said angrily

"so if you touch my sister you fucking cunt, ill show you the end of my gun!" Clarice said angrily

Just as Clarice said that, Sirius ran to the bathroom, and pulled a gun out. Pointed it to his head and said

"I love you steph"

And shot himself dead.

Clarice was bewildered. She was being sarcastic! What a fucking loser she thought. But at the same time was distraught. When she thought back to all the good things that he'd done for her she got really sad and wanted to have sex with him again.

So she went to the corpse and had loud and passionate and unsafe sex with Sirius Black who committed suicide on the 2nd of February, 2008.

R.I.P. SIRIUS BLACK.

THE END

- please review, thanks sluts


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